If you’re finding post-divorce life tough—whether it’s dealing with your ex, struggling with co-parenting, or just trying to adapt—know this: it’s normal. You’re not failing, and you’re definitely not alone. The truth? It’s not easy. It’s messy, unfair, and hard as hell. And it can still be the best decision you ever made.
I’ve transformed my life and my family’s life since my divorce. I have an amicable relationship with my ex, but let’s be real—raising a family solo is no walk in the park. Parenting is hard, and solo parenting? It’s a whole new level of challenging. So, let’s not sugarcoat it—own it.
I was recently invited by a big-name women’s magazine to write about “being friends with your ex.” My first thought? “That’s us!” I was eager to share our story, to challenge the negative narratives around divorce. But as I started drafting tips on how to build a friendship with your ex, something felt off.
It’s summer, the kids are home, and the kitchen? It’s open and in use 24/7! Between driving them around, keeping everyone fed, and trying to maintain some semblance of order, I didn’t have time to sit with that unease. But later, when my ex came over to watch football with the boys, and we had our usual chat about summer plans, the unease hit me like a ton of bricks.
We communicate openly, which is important, but it’s clear we’re not on the same page. I reminded him—again—of my priorities: a clean, organised home, chores done, and prepping for the week ahead so I can actually enjoy my time off. His response? The usual: “Your standards are too high. What gets done, gets done. You focus on enjoying yourself.” It’s moments like these that remind me we’re not friends—we’re amicable, yes, but we don’t see eye to eye. It’s frustrating to feel unheard, but I’ve learned to choose my battles. We’re not here to change each other; we’re here to maintain respect and peace for the sake of the kids.
Then it hit me: life after divorce, no matter how much inner work you do (and believe me, I do A LOT), is never going to be a breeze. It’s hard, it’s unfair, and sometimes it downright sucks. But I refuse to stay stuck in that space because it doesn’t serve me. Instead, I shift to gratitude—for the time I have to myself, for the weekend I’m looking forward to, for my boys rebuilding a relationship with their dad. I’m grateful—and yes, it’s still hard.
By hard, I mean unfair. That’s the word that keeps surfacing. It’s unfair. I won’t dive into the details because this isn’t about venting—this is about reality. It’s unfair, and that’s the bitter pill we have to swallow.
I’ve done the work to get here—to a place where I can have an amicable relationship with my ex. I’ve learned to:
- Let go
- Ground myself
- Keep my vision sharp
- Love myself fiercely
- Practise gratitude like it’s my job
- Take bold action
- Own it, all of it
But here’s the thing: an amicable relationship with your ex doesn’t have to mean friendship. I’ve had to dig deep and remember my values when it comes to friendships. I’m intentional about who I let into my inner circle—I treasure the true friends I have, and not everyone who’s nice to me is a friend.
A true friend is someone who:
- You can count on, who shows up for you, no matter what
- Loves you even when they don’t agree with you
- Respects your boundaries like they’re sacred
- Trusts you with their life, and trusts that you can handle your own too
- Always has your back, no questions asked
- Would never do anything to benefit themselves at your expense
- Is honest, but always with compassion
Real friendship is rare, and I’m blessed to have those golden relationships in my life. My ex is not a friend, and that’s okay. He’s the father of my children, we have an amicable relationship, and I genuinely wish him well. But the balance of responsibilities? It’s nowhere near fair.
The way I see it? We have choices. I’ll share with you the choices I see in front of me;
A. Be consumed by endless conflict, trying to control and change someone who will never change.
B. Accept that I can’t control anyone but myself, make peace with the unfairness, and focus on gratitude while creating a life I’m excited about.
Because here’s the deal: nothing lasts forever. I’m grateful I get to be the rock for my sons, guiding them daily, watching them grow. I’m also reconnecting with who I truly am, discovering what I want, and building a life that feels full of possibilities—brick by brick, one breath at a time.
Even in a so-called 50:50 split, it’s never really 50:50. I’m going to be blunt here: most mothers do more, whether it’s the mental load, the physical work, or the countless invisible labour that keep the household running. It’s the nuances of being human, of guiding another human being through life. As mothers, we do more—and it’s both a privilege and unfair.
So, I’ve decided not to write about being friends with my ex. But I will tell you this: life after divorce, especially when you’ve got kids, is hard. That doesn’t mean there isn’t peace, joy, and transformation waiting for you. You can create a life you love, be the CEO of your journey—but it also comes with its fair share of unfairness and injustice. Accept that, stop pouring energy into what you can’t change, and instead, focus on what you can control—how you see the world and how you respond to it.
If you’re ready to take charge of your life after divorce and need support on this journey, join our group coaching program. It’s a space where we can share, grow, and navigate these challenges together. You don’t have to go through this alone—let’s build the life you deserve, one step at a time. 🌟
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